Killing Adverbs – Remittance Girl
Someone, I can’t remember who, once said that no one ever has a right to use an adverb. In fact, lots of writing teachers will tell you that, if you’ve used an adverb, you’ve chosen the wrong verb. Personally I think this is a little drastic, but one thing a LOT of erotica suffers from is adverb abuse – we use way too many of them. They gum up the flow of writing and make the language feel ‘weak’.
For those of you educated after the time when they taught ‘grammar’ in schools, an adverb is a word you use to modify a verb. For instance: he ran quickly; she kissed him softly; we fucked furiously. Basically, if it’s near a verb and it has an ly on the end, it might very well be an adverb.
When I write a first draft of something, I just want to get the story out, so I don’t focus much on the words I use. But when I’m reading through that first draft, I look to see where I’m using adverbs and I use this test on them:
Is there another verb that I could use that would save me from having to use this adverb?
He ran quicky —> He raced.
She shuddered delicately —> She quivered, she trembled.
They fucked furiously —> Nah, I’m keeping that one!
In two out of the three cases, there was a more descriptive verb. But in the third case I really couldn’t find a better way to put what I wanted to say, so I left the adverb.
Often, though, I can’t put my finger on the perfect verb; this is where I resort to the thesaurus. But ultimately, English is a bit impoverished when it comes to certain verbs. For instance, there are very few synonyms for the word ‘thrust’ in a sexual context. Trying to vary these verbs can sometimes lead to comic relief rather than erotic heat.
So, see if you can get rid of some of those adverbs, but don’t be a fascist. Ultimately what you want to give the reader is an immersive story where the language is the vehicle that carries them there, but not the destination.
I like the adverb test. One of the adverbs I find gets abused _all_ the time in erotica, mine being no exception, is “slowly”. Much of erotica deals with the tease or seduction, and adverbs of pace are critical to what’s going on. Looking for alternatives for that one word can sometime lead to excessively flowery language and/or thesaurus abuse. On the other hand, that, I suppose is also an indication that one could do with retooling the whole sentence.
There’s another consideration, though. The story has to be accessible to your audience, if you’ve looked into the thesaurus and found a word that only Stephen Fry will recognise, you’ve gone too far.
Or: “Don’t use a big word if a diminutive one will suffice” – Robert Anson Heinlein.
People read and understand many more words than they use. And when I look at the thesaurus, it’s because I don’t have that word on the tip of my tongue – that doesn’t mean that it’s an uncommon or archaic word. However, if they encounter a word they don’t know – a good word, the right word – they’ll look it up just like I would. I expect that much of my readers and, if a reader encounters my work but can’t be bothered to do that, they’re reading the wrong writer.
I’m something of a language snob and I don’t make any bones about it. I’m not a Heinlein or a Dan Brown and I’m not interested in being either of them. I have no respect for writers who don’t make full use of the language they are writing in. They encourage and abet its impoverishment. And yes, absolutely, I’m an elitist fuck.
Thanks for these tips Remittance Girl, never again will I mis-punctuate my dialogue or use an unnecessary adverb. (Well if I do I’ll deserve a good spanking.)
RG, I agree with you about the overuse of adverbs in writing… all writing. When I write, my focus is on exacting descriptions and the avoidance of adverbs. Of course I still use them, but when I do, I’m smart about it.
As for “big words,” why should anyone dumb down their writing (the way that most mainstream literature is) so that it’s more accessible. That’s the most ridiculous request I’ve ever heard. There’s an audience for every type of story. There’s nothing wrong with the reader looking up a few words and expanding their vocabulary.
I recommend Stephen King’s “On Writing” to those who haven’t read it. Whether you like his genre or not, he’s written a lot of books and I think his opinion is worth considering. RG, you’d like parts because he totally agrees with you on adverbs. His section on dialogue tags is also worth reading.
This was a good reminder of those critical lessons some have forgotten. I have always enjoyed English writers for their ability to leverage the language better than American writers. Call me biased.
But to the other points made sometimes there’s just one good way of emphasizing the verb…
I completely agree Rabe. We have an impoverishment of certain verbs to start with. And an adverb can provide a powerful addendum. I guess the point is that so often, we just resort to something we’ve read before.